by Sierra Holter
Relationships come to an end possibly, the reasons are numerous. They all have in common that one member of the relationship is dissatisfied and pulls back. Maybe he/she has tried for some time to adjust the relationship according to his/her wishes. If this fails, he/she usually quits emotionally long before the actual break up. That is often the reason why the “dumpee” has the impression that the “dumper” is cold hearted—he/she left mentally months ago. So naturally, there comes a time in a teenage relationship where the couple must ask themselves,"Do I want to go steady, or do I want to see what else is out there?". Take into account that there is no painless way to end a relationship.It simply doesn’t exist. No magical words which take the pain away. It will hurt them and it may also hurt you. There is nothing you can do about this. You can only avoid some common mistakes and make it a little easier for them.
The first step to breaking up with someone is being sure of yourself and the decision you are making. You have to be 100% sure about what you want,this will make breaking up and moving on so much easier.
So here are some questions you should ask yourself when considering breaking up:
- Does the relationship allow you to evolve according to your wishes?
- Does the relationship fulfill your needs?
- Is it possible to have goals together and achieve them?
- Does your partner accept you as you are?
- Can you resolve conflicts together?
- Are you feeling good in your relationship?
- Is the communication with your partner good?
If your answer to these question is in the majority “no” then it is probably time to move on. You're ready to break up,but you've never done it before so here are some easy steps to ending your relationship.
1. Keep a few days distance: This will help you gain some emotional distance from your partner and will make moving on easier for you. On the other hand, your partner will sense something is about to happen and will hopefully prepare themselves.
2. Try to be sure about your decision: Chances are that you were thinking about breaking up for a long time. You have come to the conclusion that you don’t fit together, have different plans after High school or were unable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts. Maybe you have simply realized that you do not love your partner. Either way you must be completely sure about your decision. This is probably the most important thing to do, because if you are unsure about what you want it will only make things harder on both of you. So, are you sure you want to break up? If you are,continue to step 3.
3. Do it in person:Always talk to your partner in person. Never use email, text messages or a letter. I know this is tempting because it’s much easier for you, but you owe your partner that you look them in the eye when you break up. Not that it would make it easier for them, but it would allow your partner to respect your decision and take you seriously.
4. Know what and how to say it – be prepared: You have to know what you're going to say in advanced, this is far from simple because you have to expect how the other person is going to react to your news.There can be various reactions. Depending on the personality of your partner, there can be denial, crying, begging, aggressiveness, even abuse. Try to stay calm whatever happens, never let this end in a fight.
Here are some tips:
- Always be understanding, no matter how your partner reacts
- Say that you are sorry that things have not worked out
- Be prepared for questions
- Try to avoid intimate body contact
- Be confident. If you have not been dominant in your relationship, be it now
5. Always be clear that it’s absolutely over: There should be no doubt that the relationship is over.
NEVER Say:
- “maybe sometimes we could get together again”
- “A part of me still loves you”
- “I never loved anybody as I loved you”
- “OK, give me some time to think it over”
- “we can still be friends”
You will feel the urge to ease the pain by saying something he/she wants to hear, but this is wrong for two reasons: you are giving false hope and delaying the healing process for both of you.
6. Help them with no contact: Don't call,text,message,nothing for a long while. Don't even ask how they are feeling. I know this probably the hardest step in all of this but it also the most rewarding. After a break up the other person is in shock, they will not remember what was said during your conversation,let alone your reasons for ending it. Most of the time the one who breaks up has to learn as well that it is definitely over. By following the no-contact rule you help yourself and your ex-partner.
Breaking is never easy and, it is never painless. It is emotionally exhausting and mentally draining but once you break up you can heal,and become one step closer to happiness and a fulfilling love life.
Remember, if there's any doubt that it is really over it will cause more harm than good. Not only will it keep you from pursuing more gratifying relationships, it will also mess with your self-esteem and confidence. Once you've made up your mind act upon your decision and make sure you end it in a firm way. These steps will make the task of breaking up a bit easier on both parties.
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